The Shadow Within: Embracing the Power of the Unseen Self
Third Act Unscripted | Episode 13
As we navigate midlife and step into our third act, many of us feel the call to reevaluate who we are and what we want to carry forward into this next chapter. It’s a time of possibility and reinvention. But along with this excitement often comes an uncomfortable truth: parts of ourselves remain unseen, unacknowledged, and unresolved. These hidden aspects make up what Carl Jung referred to as the “shadow.”
In this episode of Third Act Unscripted, the focus is on understanding and embracing the shadow self. Working with the shadow isn’t about dredging up old wounds for the sake of it. It’s about reclaiming energy and power we’ve unknowingly left behind, so we can live fully and freely in our third act. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck, drained, or confused about why the same old patterns keep showing up, exploring your shadow may be the key to moving forward.
What Is the Shadow?
Carl Jung described the shadow as the parts of ourselves we reject, repress, or deny. These are the traits or emotions that, for one reason or another, we decided weren’t acceptable or safe to express. It could be anything from anger, neediness, and jealousy to independence, sensuality, or ambition. Sometimes it’s even a positive quality we’ve disowned because we were told it was “too much” or not appropriate.
When these aspects are pushed into the unconscious, they don’t go away. They linger beneath the surface, quietly influencing our behaviors, decisions, and relationships. We might not even realize it’s happening. Over time, this inner conflict can drain our energy and limit our growth.
The shadow isn’t bad. It’s simply a part of us we haven’t yet accepted. By recognizing and integrating our shadow, we can reclaim lost energy, discover hidden gifts, and become more whole.
Why Work With the Shadow?
Repressing aspects of ourselves requires effort—effort that could be spent living more freely and authentically. The more we push something down, the more energy it takes to keep it there. Often, this shows up as fatigue, burnout, or feeling stuck in old patterns.
By working with the shadow, we gain insight into the unconscious motivations driving our behaviors. We release the judgments we’ve held about ourselves and others. Most importantly, we reclaim parts of ourselves we’ve long denied, restoring a sense of personal power and authenticity that can fuel our third act with new energy.
How the Shadow Shows Up
One of the simplest ways to begin identifying your shadow is to notice where you hold judgment—especially when it’s intense or persistent. Shadow aspects often project outward as judgment toward others. If you find yourself overly critical of someone else’s behavior, there’s a good chance you’re projecting a disowned part of yourself onto them.
During this episode of Third Act Unscripted, both Katie Swartz and Annie Clay shared personal stories that illustrate how the shadow operates.
Katie’s shadow revealed itself through judgment of stay-at-home mothers. At the time, she was a young mother working full-time, juggling family and graduate studies. She found herself feeling superior to women who didn’t work outside the home, assuming they had it easy and were “lazy.” But beneath this judgment was an unacknowledged longing for support and rest. She had grown up with the belief—reinforced by her mother’s advice—that relying on someone else was unacceptable. As a result, Katie became fiercely independent, refusing to admit she had needs or accept help.
Her shadow—the damsel in distress—emerged in unhealthy ways. She worked relentlessly, often crashing emotionally and physically before finally accepting support. Unconsciously, she was reenacting a pattern: only when she was completely depleted would she allow herself to be helped, usually by a “knight in shining armor.” Recognizing this pattern allowed Katie to bring compassion to the shadow part of herself that needed support. By acknowledging and integrating this part, she reclaimed her energy and began to ask for help in healthier, more balanced ways.
Annie’s shadow surfaced in a different way. She found herself judging women who worked outside the home despite not needing to financially. To her, these women were neglecting their children by prioritizing their careers. Yet underneath this judgment was a hidden desire for independence and agency—qualities Annie had suppressed. In response to this disowned part, she became hyper-masculine, channeling her energy into becoming physically powerful. She took up boxing and became a trainer, adopting a tough, no-nonsense persona. While this gave her a socially acceptable way to express independence, it also masked a deeper need for choice and personal agency.
Both stories illustrate how shadow aspects can shape our identities and behaviors without our conscious awareness. By bringing these parts into the light, both Katie and Annie were able to reclaim their lost energy and step into more authentic, empowered versions of themselves.
Steps to Working with the Shadow
1. Notice Where You Judge
Pay attention to your judgments of others. Who triggers you? Who do you envy, criticize, or look down on? These reactions are clues to shadow material. Ask yourself, “What do they have or do that I believe I can’t?”
2. Identify the Underlying Need
Beneath every shadow is an unmet need. Maybe you’ve denied yourself rest, support, freedom, recognition, or creative expression. By exploring these judgments, you can uncover the deeper needs you may have suppressed.
3. Bring Compassion to the Shadow
The shadow forms as a protective response. These parts of ourselves emerged because they helped us survive in some way. When you approach the shadow with compassion and curiosity instead of judgment, you create space for healing and integration.
4. Reclaim and Integrate
Once you’ve identified a shadow aspect and the need behind it, the work is to consciously reclaim it. This might mean allowing yourself to ask for support, embracing rest, or expressing an ambition you’ve hidden. By integrating these parts, you reclaim personal power and authenticity.
Why Shadow Work Matters in Your Third Act
The third act is a time to step into freedom, creativity, and authenticity. But unresolved shadow material can keep us stuck in outdated patterns, draining our energy and limiting our potential. By embracing and integrating the shadow, we release old survival strategies that no longer serve us and reclaim our full selves.
This work isn’t about dwelling in the past. It’s about reclaiming energy and power so we can move forward with clarity, purpose, and vitality. As we integrate the shadow, we become more whole—and more able to create a third act that reflects who we truly are.
From Powerlessness to Empowerment
At its core, shadow work is about moving from a sense of powerlessness to empowerment. The shadow forms in response to situations where we felt we had no choice or agency. But by bringing these unconscious parts into the light, we reclaim our inherent power.
Instead of manipulating, hiding, or bargaining for control, we stand in our truth. We recognize that we already have everything we need within us. Shadow work helps us move from fragmented to whole, from surviving to thriving.
Resources to Support Your Shadow Journey
🎉 Join a Party Pod
Party Pods are small, inclusive groups where people from all walks of life gather to explore life’s third act in a supportive, confidential space. Engage in meaningful conversations, share your experiences, and grow alongside others doing their inner work.
👉 Join the Waitlist!
📚 Get the Free Workbook: Section 7 – The Shadow
Ready to take the next step? Our free workbook, Section 7 – The Shadow, offers journal prompts, reflection exercises, and practical tools to help you uncover and integrate your shadow. It’s available exclusively when you sign up!
👉 Sign up here to receive your free workbook.
✨ Recommended Reading
Owning Your Own Shadow by Robert A. Johnson
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford
The Writer’s Journey by Christopher Vogler (for an archetypal approach)
Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés (archetypal shadow work)
Key Takeaways
✅ The shadow is the unconscious part of ourselves made up of traits, desires, and needs we’ve rejected—but it holds hidden power and potential.
✅ Judgment of others often points to shadow material within ourselves. Ask what need or quality you believe you’re being denied.
✅ Compassion is key. The shadow forms as a protective strategy. Healing and integration happen through curiosity and kindness.
✅ Reclaiming your shadow frees up energy and allows you to step more fully into your third act with clarity, authenticity, and purpose.
✅ You are already whole. Shadow work simply brings the unseen parts back into the light, where they can support you.
With love,
Annie & Katie