Not a Failure, Just a Test: Rewriting the Story of Setbacks
Failed the Test, Found the Lesson
In this episode, we talk about what happens when you try something new, put yourself out there, and totally flame out. Not in a cute “oops!” kind of way—but in the kind of way that sends your nervous system spiraling and your inner fifth grader sprinting for cover.
Katie shares what it felt like to completely bomb a Spanish test at her immersion program in Spain—while still recovering from COVID, in a new classroom, with a new teacher, and a brain that wasn’t fully online. She knew it was going to be rough, but even so… the experience hit hard.
The real story wasn’t just about the test. It was about what it activated—those old, deep-in-the-bones feelings of not being good enough. And that’s what we unpack in this conversation: how midlife reinvention sounds great in theory, but sometimes feels a lot like being the awkward new kid all over again.
When Failing Feels Familiar
As soon as Katie sat down for the test, her body reacted before her mind could catch up: anxiety, panic, and that internal voice saying, “Why are you even here?”
On the walk home, something clicked. She remembered a moment from childhood—fifth grade, new to a school in Oklahoma after moving from Canada, and completely unprepared for a multiplication test. The kicker? The class graded each other’s tests and announced the scores aloud. Katie got a zero.
Oof.
It’s wild how those moments stick with us. And what’s even wilder is how they sneak into our adult lives, especially when we’re trying something new. The feelings we thought we outgrew—shame, embarrassment, not belonging—they have a way of showing up when our guard is down.
But here’s the thing: awareness changes everything. When Katie recognized what was happening, she didn’t quit. She didn’t spiral (okay, maybe a little). Instead, she gave herself grace and space to just be in it. That’s something our younger selves never knew how to do.
The Truth About Being a Beginner in Midlife
One of the things we talk about a lot on this podcast is how strange and brave it is to be a beginner again at this stage of life. It’s one thing to say we’re open to learning—it’s another thing entirely to feel the discomfort of not knowing, to be surrounded by people who seem to “get it,” and to sit with the voice that whispers, “You should be better than this by now.”
If you’ve been successful in your career, raised a family, or spent decades getting good at something, starting over can feel like an identity crisis. You’ve spent so much time being the one who knows what they’re doing—so when you don’t, it can feel like the floor drops out.
But we’re learning (slowly, awkwardly, and with a lot of coffee) that this is exactlywhere the good stuff lives.
“Level Up or Give Up”
That phrase came out of Katie’s mouth during this recording, and it stuck. It’s the moment of choice we all face when failure shows up. Do we quit, or do we slow down and ask ourselves what we really need?
In this case, what Katie needed was support—maybe a different learning approach, maybe a one-on-one tutor (bonus points if they’re cute), maybe just a reminder that this doesn’t define her.
We joke a lot in this episode (because laughter makes everything better), but underneath the humor is this quiet truth: failure isn’t final. Sometimes it’s just feedback. Sometimes it’s a nudge to try something different. And sometimes, it’s your younger self raising her hand saying, “Hey, I’m still here. Can we deal with this now?”
We’ve Been Here Before (Literally)
What really blew us away during this conversation was how clearly Katie saw her current classroom echoing her high school years. The cast of characters? Practically identical. The stories she told herself? Same vibe, different setting.
It’s a reminder that even if you move across the world, your inner narratives come with you. But this time, she had tools to notice. She could pause. She could question. She could say, “Oh wow, this is that old story again.”
That’s the power of doing this kind of work in your third act—you’re not just reacting. You’re noticing. You’re choosing.
Humor, Healing, and Hot Tutors
Of course, we couldn’t not talk about hot tutors. When things feel heavy, we lean into humor—not to distract from the real stuff, but to lighten it. To create space for both truth and levity.
Whether we’re talking about childhood math trauma or grown-up Spanish class anxiety, finding the funny moments helps us move through it with a little more grace (and a lot less pressure).
And maybe, just maybe, a hot tutor would help. At the very least, it would make class more interesting.
Why This Matters in the Third Act
Reinvention sounds great on paper. But in reality, it means coming face to face with your old stories, your sore spots, and your fear of not being enough.
We’re here to say: you’re not alone in that. Whether you’re starting something new, feeling stuck, or wondering why your “fun” new chapter feels so emotionally charged—this is part of the process.
This episode isn’t about fixing anything. It’s about witnessing the messy middle and saying, “Yep. That’s real. And I’m still here.”
Resources
– Join the Party Pod Waitlist
– Sign up to receive a free A3 Workbook!
– Follow us on Social Media for more content and insights.
Listen to the full episode on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts
Key Takeaways
Failure isn’t the end. Sometimes, it’s just the beginning of something better.
Old stories resurface when we’re doing something brave. That’s not a setback—it’s an invitation to heal.
Being a beginner again is uncomfortable—but essential. Midlife growth comes from choosing curiosity over quitting.
Laughter helps. Don’t underestimate the power of a well-timed joke (or a flirty tutor fantasy).
Support matters. You don’t have to muscle through alone. Ask for what you need, even if you’re not sure what that is yet.
You’re allowed to take up space—even when you’re not getting it “right.”
Let us know what came up for you after listening. And if you’re navigating your own third act and it’s feeling messier than expected… welcome. You’re in good company.
With love,
-Annie & Katie