In the Fog: Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
In this episode of Third Act Unscripted, we delved deep into the theme of “Embracing Ambiguity.” For many of us in midlife, the third act represents a time when much of what once defined us—careers, children, relationships—begins to fade or shift, leaving us in unfamiliar territory. This blog post builds on that conversation and explores the concepts of surrender, trust, and the unknown. We’ll also provide resources to help you navigate this challenging yet exciting phase of life.
The Third Act: An Adventure into the Unknown
The third act is a metaphor for the latter stage of life, where the landscape is often unknown. Annie shared a story from her childhood where she and her friend found themselves lost in a thick fog while rowing a boat. This fog, which muffled sight and sound, left them feeling isolated and uncertain. It’s a perfect metaphor for how many of us feel when we reach midlife.
The first adulthood—our second act—was all about building, growing, and achieving. It involved careers, family life, and figuring out our place in the world. But when we enter the third act, much of what gave us a sense of control and purpose no longer applies. Careers take different directions, children grow up, relationships change, and life events such as illness or loss can radically shift our reality. In essence, we’re left rowing in the fog, unsure of where we’re headed.
Resources:
Book Recommendation: The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50 by Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot. This book dives into how people in their third act can find new meaning and purpose.
Podcast Episode: Check out our previous episode where we discussed “Clearing the Metaphorical Garage,” an exploration of letting go of old patterns to make space for new beginnings.
The Power of Surrender
In the episode, we touched on the idea of surrendering control. It’s not about giving up, but about recognizing when we’ve done all we can and trusting that something greater than ourselves will guide us. Annie admitted that she doesn’t like the word “surrender” because it can feel passive or powerless. However, we both agreed that surrender actually requires a tremendous amount of courage. It’s about releasing the need to constantly be in control and allowing the natural flow of life to take over.
The story of the fog highlights this. When Annie and her friend stopped rowing, they eventually realized they had bumped into a sandbar—a safe place that allowed them to find their way back. It was only by letting go and allowing the situation to unfold that they were saved.
In life, surrendering can feel terrifying, especially if you’re used to being in control. But as we discussed, the magic often happens when we let go. The universe, or whatever force you believe in, steps in to solve the problem, often in ways we could never have imagined.
Tools for Surrender:
Meditation Practices: Developing a meditation practice can help you embrace surrender by cultivating mindfulness and presence. Apps like Headspace or Insight Timer offer guided meditations specifically designed to help you let go of control and embrace uncertainty.
Journaling Prompts: Reflect on a time when you let go of control. How did things turn out? What might have happened if you had held on tighter? Use this as a starting point to explore the concept of surrender in your life.
Trusting the Unknown: Living from the Soul
We talked about how the third act invites us to stop living solely from the ego and to start living from the soul. The ego, as we defined it in the episode, is the part of us that believes we are separate from everything else, the part that needs control and certainty. It’s also the part of us that wants to problem-solve our way out of discomfort.
But in the third act, we are called to let go of that ego-driven way of living. Instead, we are asked to trust the unknown, to live from the soul—our higher self that knows we are connected to something bigger. The soul invites us to embrace ambiguity, to be open to new possibilities, and to live in the present moment without trying to control the outcome.
This phase will challenge our ability to trust—both in ourselves and in something greater. Whether you call it the universe, God, or simply the flow of life, there’s a deeper sense of belonging that comes when we acknowledge we are part of something much larger than ourselves.
Exercises to Cultivate Trust:
Mindfulness Practice: Practicing mindfulness helps you stay present and connected to the moment. Tara Brach’s teachings on radical acceptance can be a great resource for those learning to trust the unknown.
Coaching and Mentorship: As we mentioned in the episode, finding a mentor or coach who has been through this phase of life can provide invaluable guidance. Sometimes, older individuals who have experienced these transitions can offer wisdom and reassurance.
The Role of the Ego
During our discussion, we made it clear that the ego isn’t something to be demonized. In fact, the ego has played a critical role in getting us where we are today. It helped us build careers, relationships, and a sense of self in the first and second acts. But now, in the third act, it’s time for the ego to “grow up.” We need to shift from ego-driven goals (success, achievement, control) to more soul-centered goals (purpose, connection, meaning).
This process can be uncomfortable. As Katie noted, we often resist letting go of what has worked for us in the past. Whether it’s starting a new business, signing up for a course, or finding ways to fill the void, we may find ourselves clinging to old patterns. But if we keep doing what we’ve always done, we’ll keep getting the same results.
The third act is an invitation to do something different, to let go of the need to constantly achieve and to start living from a deeper place of authenticity and purpose.
Additional Reading:
Book: Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr. This book explores how the second half of life is where we find true meaning, purpose, and connection.
Article: “The Power of Letting Go: Embracing Uncertainty and Surrender in Midlife Transitions” (Psychology Today).
Embracing the Adventure
View this phase of life as an adventure. The uncertainty of the third act can feel daunting, but it also holds limitless potential. The fog will eventually lift, and when it does, you may find yourself in a place you never expected but that is more fulfilling than anything you could have planned.
One of the most important takeaways is that everyone’s journey through the third act will look different. While the landscape may be ambiguous, the adventure is yours to create. Surrendering to the unknown isn’t about giving up; it’s about making space for something new, something that could be better than you ever imagined.
Final Thoughts
Embracing ambiguity is not easy, but it is necessary for growth in this stage of life. Trusting the process, surrendering control, and allowing your soul to guide you can lead to profound transformation. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Seek out mentors, lean on your support system, and take time to reflect on what it means for you to step into this third act with intention and curiosity.
-Annie & Katie