What’s Awesome About Being Alone
When we think about midlife, especially life after 50, so much of the conversation tends to focus on relationships, careers, family, and community. But what about the space between? What about the moments when you find yourself alone? In our latest episode of Third Act Unscripted, we explored what it means to be alone in your third act and how that space, while sometimes daunting, can be one of the most creative, freeing, and transformational times of your life.
The Unexpected Reality of Being Alone
For many of us, alone time didn’t come naturally. Like Annie shared on the episode, we went from living at home with family, to having roommates in college, to sharing space with a partner, and then to parenting. The house was never quiet; there was always someone else’s needs to factor in. Then one day, the kids move out, a relationship ends, or maybe you choose to remain single, and suddenly you find yourself truly alone for the first time. And it can be disorienting.
At first, the quiet can feel unsettling. Our culture doesn’t really prepare us for solitude. We equate busyness with value and a packed social calendar with success. Social media, filled with highlight reels of group vacations, dinner parties, and weekend adventures, makes solitude feel like something to be fixed. But what if it’s not?
Reframing Solitude
Aloneness and loneliness are not the same thing. One is a neutral state of being; the other is a painful judgment we place on that state. Katie talked about how the meaning we assign to being alone can either open us up or shut us down. If we tell ourselves that being alone means we’re unlovable, unwanted, or failing at life, then yes, it will feel like suffering. But if we instead view it as freedom, spaciousness, and opportunity, it becomes a playground for the soul.
It’s not always easy. Annie and Katie both shared how their minds sometimes spiral when they sit alone too long. Thoughts creep in like, “Shouldn’t I be doing something? Shouldn’t I have plans? Shouldn’t I have a fuller life?” But they’ve learned that stillness is where truth lives. When you stop filling the empty space with busyness, you actually start to hear your own desires. You start to know yourself.
The “No Thing” Space: Where Possibility Lives
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was about what they called “the no thing space.” It’s the space where nothing is planned, nothing is expected, and where, as Katie described, pure potential lives. When we stop rushing to fill every moment with activity, we create room for inspiration to find us.
But this no thing space can feel uncomfortable. Our biology wires us to seek safety in groups. For much of human history, being alone meant vulnerability. Annie and Katie discussed how some of the fear we feel in solitude is likely ancient, even primal. Our nervous systems light up, interpreting aloneness as danger, when in today’s world, it can actually be the very thing we need to reconnect to ourselves.
Strength to Hold Both: Aloneness and Connection
One of the gifts of midlife is our increasing ability to hold complexity. As Katie put it, we get strong enough to hold both the fullness of our lives and the emptiness. We learn to be at peace with paradox. It’s not either you’re alone and miserable or surrounded and happy. It’s both. You can cherish your solitude and still miss your kids. You can enjoy a quiet weekend and still crave connection sometimes.
This stage of life invites us to redefine what happiness looks like. Maybe it’s not a packed calendar or a bustling social life. Maybe it’s a morning alone with your coffee and your thoughts. Maybe it’s an afternoon walk in a place you’ve been to a thousand times, seeing it with new eyes. Or maybe it’s simply the peace of knowing you don’t have to prove anything to anyone anymore.
The Courage to Sit in the Quiet
The truth is, the quiet can be scary. It’s where our fears come up. But it’s also where we can meet our truest selves. Annie and Katie talked about how when you sit still long enough, what lights you up will reveal itself. But it requires patience, and our culture isn’t big on waiting.
They both spoke about times when they tried to outrun the quiet. Staying busy. Filling up the calendar. Scrolling endlessly. But eventually, that approach runs out of steam. And on the other side of resistance? Freedom. Creativity. Joy.
Aloneness in Marriage
Interestingly, this stage of returning inward isn’t just for singles. Listeners who are married shared that they too are craving solitude. It turns out that this desire for quiet, for introspection, for “no thing,” is a developmental stage of life, not a relationship status. Whether you are single or partnered, we all eventually need to know who we are without the noise of the world telling us.
And maybe, as Annie and Katie suggest, it’s part of an ancient rhythm. A natural inward turn at this phase of life before the next outward chapter reveals itself.
What If This Is the Gift?
Rather than seeing solitude as something to endure, what if we embraced it as something to savor? What if this quiet space is where our next act is born?
If you are in a season of being alone—whether you chose it or it chose you—we invite you to sit in it a little longer. Not with resistance, but with curiosity. What is life trying to show you here?
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Key Takeaways
Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. It’s an opportunity for freedom and creativity.
The meaning we assign to our solitude shapes our experience of it.
Midlife is a powerful time to explore your true desires without external pressure.
Sitting in the “no thing” space can feel uncomfortable but is the birthplace of possibility.
Whether single or married, we all need solitude to reconnect with our soul.
Stop resisting reality and you’ll find you’re more connected than you realized.